Weiner Wrangler of the Week: Friday--October 21, 2005

Every Friday Stinkhorn Rodeo will choose from three no-account, no good, lowdown, rascally, bushwackin, varmits who've made this big ol' ranch we call The Earth a little less pleasin to ride. The three "Candidates" will compete for the title of what we like to call, The Weiner Wrangler of the Week Award...

Weiner Wrangler Candidate #1: Karl "The Trickster" Rove

Wanted For: Wanted For: Over 30 years of lyin', fibbin', and fabricatin' to the entire U.S. of A., and smearin' the names of all kind of Americans workin' folk.He's also the feller who is at the very center of allegations of pure Treason fer leakin' secret information to certain press and media folk.

This here varmint dropped out of college in the 1970s and joined in with a gang of some of the worst political owlhoots and low-down dirty tricksters in our humble national history—I'm talkin' 'bout that Watergate mess what tarnished the shine of America and left this here nation in shambles.

This here link has that tale and his sordid past.

Havin' political smarts ain't no crime, but this Wiener Nominee seems to always go for the nasty bushwhacker approach whenever the facts gets in his way. And now in the midst of allegations about violatin' the laws of our nation meant to protect national security, he has somehow been put in charge of headin' up "recovery efforts" in the battered landscape of new Orleans

A real competitor don't fight dirty—that's a trick fer losers. And a President who lets all this no-good, back-bitin', hateful and crooked dealin' is doomed hisself.

Weiner Wrangler Candidate #2: Neal "The Boor" Boortz

Wanted For: Speechifyin’ in favor of eliminatin' any poor people from aid or assistance in a time of disaster. Now while this here talk-radio idjit’s ramblin’ did not get a whole lot of press coverage, he plain showed how he thinks America is fer only one kind of folk – rich folk. On October 14, he flapped his yap that if they is some horrible crisis,then the rich should be saved first and if anytime is left, maybe then help out the poor who might somehow survive.

How would a dang rescue worker know who’s who? If a disaster hits, will we have to wave a page from our bank balance statement? What dollar amount is the cutoff? Maybe we ought to have a federal list what says who gets saved and who gets left behind?

We's heard plenty of stupid pourin' out the mouths of folks, yet this slop is mighty dangerous. "The Boor" claims anyone not wealthy is a drag on the whole nation, a loser, a life best left unlived. That oughta scare the bejesus out of ever patriot in the nation. Who does he think actually does the labor and the chores what keeps this country prosperous? Everday folk, that's who—folk who work to put the chow on the table, rent or buy homes to shelter their families, struggle from daylight to dark and some from dark to daylight to make ever damn thing there is in this country. This villian curses the poor, and none but the lowest, mangiest, scavengin' Wiener does that.

Weiner Wrangler Candidate #3: Elizabeth "Busy Body" Foss

Wanted For: Stickin' her stuck up nose where it don't belong.

If y'all read Concha's post of yesterday, you know how this here candidate earned her nickname. This lowdown, loudmouthed, lordly, lugubrious, spittle-licker wants to take your baby's dollies away 'cause she can't rightly tolerate the notion of an independent, educated, informed, and self-sufficient woman.

Not seein' the forest for the trees is just the $100 doll on the top of her toychest of crimes—although it's the one we's focusin' on today. When a well-off woman who spends her money on buyin' expensive dolls for her youngins can't see her way to thinkin' that other young gals don't have it so good, then it don't rightly set well with us that she's tryin' to injure and insult a company that donates money to a organization that wants to see young gals lift themselves up.

She's a five star general in a class war, but we's the proletariat, and we is locked and loaded.

And the Wiener is...

Elizabeth "Busy Body" Foss
In Concha's words (like we could keep her from speakin' her mind on this here haughty varmint—Johnny backed up five or six-feet just to give her room to spit): "Mrs. Foss...lies to you all sayin' things like the Girls Inc. web site don't have nothin' "suitable for girls" on it. She's all hepped up 'bout her little gals holdin' baby dolls on they's little laps, learnin' to be mommies, a thinkin' that Girls Inc. is bad because they make sure young gals don't get real babies they can't love or care fer 'cause they don't have rich mamas and papas that can fill their shelves with expensive dolls.

"[T]there is plenty more youngins out there waitin' for a family they ain't never gonna get, or livin' in a household that don't bring 'em no future. They's gals out there who come from homes with just one mama who is a gonna make more homes with just one mama. They's gals out there that need folks 'round them to tell them they's special. That they shouldn't take no guff from no one. That they can get themselves to college and get themselves a good job and raise they's kids in a house full o' love, no matter the number o' dolls on the shelf. And that's the kinda good work Girls Inc. does. It's probably the kinda work Mrs. Foss does fer her own little gals, 'cause she's lucky and blessed enough to have the sorta life that other gals don't.

"Far as I can tell, Mrs. Foss, you been spendin' all your greenbacks on expensive dolls fer yer own little gals. So, I don't see the good in a worryin' 'bout folks not bringin' youngins into the world ifin you ain't out there doin' all ya can to helps the ones that is already here. And 'fore you go tossin' out all them fancy dolls and they's fancy doll clothes and books, maybe think about all the little gals out there that ain't got no dolls at all."
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Email Us:
The Stinkhorn Rodeo Riders would like to
know if you have any candidates worthy
of Wiener Wranglin'. Send us an email namin'
the varmint and why he or she is worthy of
bein' a Wiener, and we may just put up a
Wanted poster.